Back in 2008 I started a writers group with some if my closest peops and fellow writers. We named it WOW, Write On, Woman!

We had weekly “assignments” and each took turns leading. One if my turns I asked everyone to write why they write.

I wrote then:
“I write to touch the supple center of unguarded ache”

At the time I believed I knew something about ache as well as how to call it in to the circle, into my writing bones.

At a certain point I felt that I wanted to live a life that allowed me to write about joy and gratitude from experience.

And now, here I am, writing about grief. Trying with all my might to touch the center of my unguarded, unbearable ache. Yet without my even knowing, I find myself also writing about unbridled gratitude. For the love, light, and life of my Isaac, as well as my community, supporting me in all ways, as I begin to accept this enormous loss– i cant help but acknowledge that it is also an overwhelming and tremendous gain.

Thank you one and all. Thank you. From the depths of a broken heart, there is still so much love and gratitude.


Published by: christinaryanstoltz

I write to touch the supple center of unguarded ache~ To release myself from the pressure of not knowing how to move forward from the unfathomable loss of my beloved son, my beautiful boy Isaac, to suicide, of not knowing how to release my grip on of the past, both the worshipping of it as well as the beating myself up for it, and letting go of the need to know what I could’ve done or what on earth I will do now. I write to heal.


3 thoughts on “Snippet”

  1. You are such an inspiration to so many. When I lost my dear father a year ago, it tore up my siblings and myself. To this day I live with such heart ache, I have tried to reach out to them but to no avail. I have been following you and right now I am in such heart ache that I am looking to you for guidance and support. So even though I can’t imagine your pain and heartache, many people look to you for love and light! Blessings to you!


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