Remember 

It’s as though you are laughing and running
You are holding tightly to the hand 

of your person

Your most beloved

You are running beside everyone else you love

You are running the marathon of life

You are not tired

You were born for this running

You are running and smiling and taking in the sounds and smells and the trees

You are laughing so hard

You are so happy

You are running down a hill

So easy you don’t have to try

You are coasting

Your boy is 18.

You made him 

You raised him

He survived your youth and wonderings your wanderings

Your clumsiness 

He is a golden child 

A sunrise

Sunset

Whole sky boy

He is marvelous

You are running and holding his hand and with your other hand you are waving at everyone

Saying 

Look!

Look at this wonder boy!

Look at this marvel!

Isn’t he spectacular?

Isn’t he infinite splendor?

Isn’t he lovely

Isn’t he magic?

Oh how I love him!

I don’t even like running anymore but with him I would run to the ends of the earth and back again!

Let us run!
And then 

He falls

And you stop running

And everyone keeps going

Though some pause to look at the fallen sky

The world is a runner

And you

Have lost your lungs

Your legs 

and your entire

cardiovascular system

Everyone is running toward

And away

And you were once so free and graceful too 

You once ran in stride with Giants

With warriors

In rhythm with the world

And now

You sit 

With angels

With star children

With sorrow

Remembering how it felt

Remembering the joy of keeping up with the center of the universe

And though you now move

As slow as glaciers

You will never forget

How you 

And he

Once ran

Like the wind

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Published by: christinaryanstoltz

I write to touch the supple center of unguarded ache~ To release myself from the pressure of not knowing how to move forward from the unfathomable loss of my beloved son, my beautiful boy Isaac, to suicide, of not knowing how to release my grip on of the past, both the worshipping of it as well as the beating myself up for it, and letting go of the need to know what I could’ve done or what on earth I will do now. I write to heal.

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2 thoughts on “Remember ”

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