(This was my view enroute to counseling yesterday, Isaacs birthday. Good morning Son Shine)
A song came through my pain yesterday, Isaac’s birthday. 2 years in heaven. He could’ve been 20. I had a toothache so deep into my jaw that only Lamaze like breathing helped me through. Irony not lost on me. My therapist is in Glen Arbor, after session I felt a pull to see The Mama Bear Dunes. It was rainy and foggy and felt appropriate. The song came as I steadied myself for the day. I don’t write songs. But Imagonna find a way to bring this to life with an orchestra. Life goals, right?!?!
Sleeping Bear.
I’ve been
Lookin outside of me
For what I need
I’ve been
Scared that I
Can’t trust myself
Anymore
I try
Every single day
To find a way
That leads
Anywhere but here
Away
Far away
From knowing what I know
Waking up
Tensile and Taciturn
I can smell
The water
crave it
In my bones
A thirst
For
Deep blue
Dreams
Hovering just outside of me
Mishe mokwa
Called our names
Called to me
Her sweet promise of forever love
Devotion
And faith
Steadfast and boundless
Reminding me
My own mama bear ways
Softly
And tenderly
With the ferocity
We know as mamas
I will wait
At the shoreline
Of hope
Until
We
Meet Again….
Let the
healing water
Cleanse
renew
And wash away
My pain
My beautiful mum had this photo made to honor Isaac’s birthday. It simultaneously gutted me and anchored me to her, to my family, to this spinning world. Again and again I find I need to be reclaimed by love and am, unwaveringly.
Life is brutal & beautiful–“brutiful”
don’t ya know….
Happy Birthday in Heaven, my Beautiful Beautiful Boy.
Shine On 